Adventures of Weasel Man and Kung Pao Chicken Boy
by TheBaboMan
Summary: Sasuke loses a bet and is now crime fighting with his brother Weasel Man A.K.A. Itachi. But then, Sasuke gets kidnapped... As Itachi is going to save Sasuke, some other crime fighter comes to join him! Join them on their adventures. AU/CRACK/OOC.
1. Dark Popcorn

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto **

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Sasuke woke up in a dark and damp room with mold on the ceiling. Sasuke looked around; he did not know where he was and what happened before. He tried to move, tried to look around, and tried to figure out where he was. Sasuke tried to get up, but he was stuck in his chair with **Stay in Your Seat for 3 Days Glue,** his hands were tied firmly behind him, and his chair's legs were bolted to the wet floor.

A light appeared out of no where and Sasuke squinted. A blue man with gills was held a lamp in front of Sasuke's face. The menacing presence had blue skin, and a long sword. It was Kisame, the infamous gang member from the Akatsuki, The Shark Man. As Sasuke squirmed around to try to escape, Kisame held the lamp closer to Sasuke's face and said, "So, you still don't regret making fun of my mom's face yet?"

"Yeah, and now your fish breath is killing me!"

"You better hold your tongue or else you'll be sleeping with the fishes! That's what happened to other people who made fun of my mom."

Just then Weasel Man, A.K.A Itachi, busted through the wall on his trusty weasel-cycle. Behind him Sasuke could see his legion of giant weasels. Sasuke remembered just then that Itachi had the power to summon humongous weasels. As Weasel Man got off his weasel-cycle he started towards Kisame, Sasuke closed his eyes as Itachi beat up Kisame. BOOM! POW! KAWHAM! Then Kisame lay motionless on the floor. Then Itachi freed Sasuke from the chair. "Foolish little brother, I knew you couldn't do it." Itachi started.

"Shut up!" Sasuke yelled as his face started to turn red.

"I knew you couldn't escape from Kisame before I showed up!" Itachi laughed.

"I said shut up!" Sasuke screamed louder than the last time, his face turning blue.

"You lost the bet, now you are my trusty sidekick... What should I name you?" Itachi pondered.

"Can't I pick my own name?" Sasuke questioned, now annoyed.

"No! Now let's see… stupid chicken hair, how about Kung Pao Chicken Boy?" He stated with a devilish smile.

"That's a stupid name!"

"Good, Kung Pao Chicken Boy it is."

"I hate you."

"Foolish little brother."

**And so begins the adventure of Kung Pao Chicken Boy and Weasel man!**

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**Love it or hate it, review! :D This is my very first story. Yay. (: Tune in for chapter 2.**


	2. Sour Patch Llama

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

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There was a man in a dark, long cape and a cheesy store-bought weasel costume with a rip in the butt standing on the roof of **The Abandoned Cheesy Costume Warehouse**. Another person stood next to him, the shorter person had a white cape with a picture of Kung Pao Chicken on it. That man, maybe a boy, was wearing an even cheesier store-bought costume than the first; he was in a giant chicken outfit. The man-boy in the chicken costume complained, "Itachi why do we have to wear these stupid costumes? And why did you pick this stupid costume for me, there was another chicken costume in the store you know."

"I know there was another costume, but that one was too professional." Itachi explained.

"I hate you. Besides, these costumes horrible. My feathers are ripping off." The boy in the chicken suit added.

"No they're not, just suck it up. Did you think the army was easy? "

"But we were never in the army."

"Drop and give me 20!"

"But I can't do one!"

"Don't throw your butt's at me mister."

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**After 20 pushups…**

"As I was saying before, these costumes stink. Look your costume has a hole in it." Sasuke chuckled.

"What, where!" questioned Itachi. After a few minutes of twisting and turning, Itachi fell on the floor, tangled in his cape.

"I told you not to get a long cape!" Sasuke laughed.

"Foolish little brother, help me up!" Itachi cried.

"I don't want to. Besides this was all your idea. I'm leaving, get yourself out." Sasuke then left Itachi squirming on the roof.

The next morning, when Itachi finally got out of his cape, he attacked Sasuke. Not long after Itachi overpowered Sasuke and sat on him, they heard a girl scream for help. As they both turned to see who screamed, they saw Zetsu the evil man and Sakura the famous nurse. Zetsu was the radioactive man who could grow to enormous proportions. He was huge and had Sakura in his radioactive grasp on the top of a building. "Help! Help!" Sakura screamed.

"Let's go little brother." Itachi said firmly.

"I still don't know why you picked the costume with a hole in it." Kung Pao Chicken Man complained.

"I didn't see the hole!" Itachi exploded.

"I hate my costume, it's making me hungry" Kung Pao Boy said when his tummy started to growl.

"We can order take-out."

"Ok, hmm…, what and where should we order?"

"How about we go to the Weasel Café?" Itachi contemplated.

"Help me! Help!" Sakura brayed while Weasel Man and Kung Pao Chicken Boy were still in their conversation. "Ummm… Help? Can anyone help me? Weasel Man? Kung Pao Chicken Boy? Anyone?"

"Oh yeah, we have no time to talk about this, we need to save the damsel in distress!" Weasel Man muttered.

"You mean Sakura, the famous nurse." Sasuke corrected.

"Right, whatever, let's just go!" Itachi yelled.

Then, Itachi jumped into his weasel-cycle and Sasuke ran after him yelling "Wait for me!"

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Finally when they reached the building, Weasel Man screamed, "Drop her!"

"Poor choice of words…" Radioactive Man replied slyly. Right then, he let go of Sakura who was screaming at the top of her lungs. She fell 87 stories and until Itachi quickly made weasels appear. And so, Sakura fell safely into a pit of weasels. Then Sasuke flew on to the roof and chased Zetsu. Radioactive Man then started to attack the city; he grew to a skyscraper's size and destroyed everything in his path. Radioactive Man was using his radioactive powers to turn everything in his way radioactive…

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**Somewhere in the city…..**

A ramen shack in the city was selling ramen; they had just finished making a bowl of hot ramen with pork slices when the vendors caught sight of the monster. The vendors and the customers ran away in fear as Radioactive Man came their way. Naruto, who was conveniently coming this way, ran up to the shack and took the bowl of ramen, and ran away screaming. Radioactive Man had actually touched it and it was radioactive, but it was too late when Naruto figured out. Once he took a bite of the ramen, he turned into Righteous Ramen Dude.

Sasuke and Itachi had the police watch Sakura and they started off for Radioactive Man. Itachi tried his weasel skills but the weasels just became radioactive weasels. Then Sasuke used his Kung Pao Chicken throwing powers, but the Kung Pao Chicken just went right through him. Then, with no warning, Zetsu disappeared in thin air. "I bet he's to chicken to fight us, huh Itachi?" Sasuke joked.

"I don't know… I have a bad feeling about this." Itachi answered thoughtfully.

Itachi was right…

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**Stay tuned for chapter 3! What will happen next, who knows! I would like to thank my beta reader again, for reading my chapters. And to thank my readers, review please!**


	3. Spicy Chocolate

******Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

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**(This chapter is from Itachi's point of view)**

Three days have passed having no sauce, but I have found ways to deal with it. I raided Sasuke's room, read his diary, and played with my weasels, fun stuff like that. Sasuke has been gone for three whole days. I sent him to get some sauce for my weasels; everyone knows how much weasels just love their sauce, and biting Sasuke...

As I was thinking about making Sasuke into weasel food, the door opened. I turned around to see a new radioactive Sasuke. He was all green and glowy and stuff. So I wasn't going to tackle him like I thought….

"Hey Sasuke! You're home! Hmm, you look different. Did you do something different with your hair?" I thought really hard. Sasuke just glared at me and then started towards the bathroom.

"Sasuke! Now where is the weasel sauce?" I questioned, looking around. Sasuke didn't answer but instead keep walking towards the bathroom, and closed the door.

I guess being gone for three days means you really have to go…

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I wasn't worried when he didn't come out for five hours; he was gone for three days. I didn't want to bother him so I went out to eat some delicious ramen.

I went to the ramen shack a little walk away. I was holding Sasuke's piggybank, ready to spend Sasuke's hard earned job cash. I was snickering to myself as I sat down next to a boy with blonde hair that smelled of ramen. He was slurping bowls of ramen into his mouth.

I sat down and ordered ten bowls of ramen with beef in it. I ate for about five hours but I'm not sure if I fell asleep in between…

I looked to the side and saw the boy with the blonde hair was still there, enjoying more ramen. "Hey, kid." I asked.

"Yeah?" He replied with a mouthful of ramen.

"What's your name?" I questioned.

"It's Naruto." He replied.

"Oh so you're the Naruto in Sasuke's diary." I laughed. I paid with Sasuke's money and then left. Naruto paid too, and followed.

"What's your name?" Naruto yelled as he sprinted after me.

"It's Itachi, kid."

"Okay Itachi, I'll remember that." After saying that, Naruto ran away.

I headed home and went to check on Sasuke. The bathroom door was closed so I knocked on it. But it opened as I knocked on it lightly. The window was wide open and a breeze was blowing in. Sasuke has been chicken-napped.

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**Stay tuned for the next chapter! What will happen to Sasuke? Will Itachi be able to get Sasuke back on his own? Is Sasuke alright? Stay tuned!**

**Review please! :D  
**


	4. Crispy Shoe

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

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"So, Sauske was trying to party all night again without me, hmm?" Itachi thought after he saw the window wide open. "Well, we'll see about that. Hmm, well he must have wiggled out through the window since its open, but he couldn't fit last time and got stuck. Good times. Or maybe he's in danger." Itachi pushed that thought away and smirked. He then jumped right through the wall and summoned one of his weasels. He put Sasuke's diary in front of its nose, and it sniffed for a brief second.

Itachi hopped onto the weasel and he soon realized one weasel was not enough to ride on as the one weasel he hopped on was on the floor...motionless…

He summoned more of his weasel friends, and rode off into the sunset.

Then, suddenly someone in an orange jumpsuit appeared in front of his "weasel mobile" and got ran over.

"I'm so sorry old lady!" Itachi screamed. Then out of the dust emerged a jump-suited figure. It was Naruto…

Naruto screamed at Itachi and his weasels, "Hey, where are you going in such a rush Itchy? And why did you call me an old lady?" He exploded.

Itachi glared at him, and even his weasels stopped to glare. Naruto took this chance to walk up to them. "Its not Itchy…" Itachi stated.

"Oh, then, I know! Rashy!" Naruto exclaimed with a wide smile. Itachi glared at him with a deep hatred.

"You're even worse then Sasuke, you know?" Itachi said.

"Pshtt, well, where are you going?" Naruto questioned eagerly.

"I'm going to beat up the wild party animal, Sasuke…"

"I wanna come!"

"I guess you can come. Hmm, but, you lack something…" Itachi then smiled evilly.

"No… You don't mean…"

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After a long time in **The** **Abandoned Cheesy Costume Warehouse**, they had picked out a costume for Naruto. He was now Righteous Ramen dude! He had his costume: a giant bowl of ramen. He had his secret power: shooting ramen out of his fingertips, courtesy of Radioactive Man. Now, they were ready for Sasuke…

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**What will happen next? Will they find Sasuke? Or is it too late? Stay tuned! :D**

**Comment/Review. (:**


	5. Intense Salami

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

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**And so begins the Adventures of Righteous**** Ramen dude and Weasel Man!**

"Hey, Rashy! We've been driving in circles for hours!" Naruto exclaimed.

"It's only been like four, okay?" Itachi replied angrily. "How do you know we've been driving in circles, anyway?"

"Dude, we've seen the same old man, waving at us for, like, hours!" Naruto said as he pointed to the old man.

Itachi whispered as Naruto was speaking, "That's why I saw the old man so many times… I thought he was a statue placed on every corner…"

"For half of the time we've been here, you always either needed to feed the weasels or go to the bathroom! Then, when you can back from the bathroom you just sit there! I always need to remind you not to ride in reverse, also! Just pull over and get directions from that old man so we can actually go somewhere!" Naruto exploded angrily as he dragged Itachi off the "weasel mobile" and towards the old man.

"No! I don't want to ask for directions! He scares me…" Itachi wailed. Naruto rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, a man with chicken butt like hair and sunglasses, who bared a striking resemblance to Sasuke walked by, Itachi and Naruto both did a double take, and ran on to the "weasel mobile".

"Sasuke, wait up!" Itachi yelled. He commanded his weasels to run toward the chicken butt haired man. As soon as the man spotted them, he started running away. Suddenly, they were in a high speed weasel chase trying to catch up to Sasuke. They chased him all the way into the woods and then to a muddy ditch .The man then jumped down into the ditch, and so did Itachi.

"This is what happens when you don't invite me to a party! And for wiggling out the window without my permission, I will find you!" Itachi yelled coming into the ditch after the man. "So this ditch he hid into, hmm? Time to go in and find him." Itachi muttered. Itachi slid into the ditch, but by the time he got there, the man was gone…

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**How could the man disappear? Where did he go? Is that really Sasuke? Stay tuned!**

**Review/Comment! (:**


	6. Mind Control Tacos

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

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**Our Sasuke dance weasels are under attack! D:**

**This chapter is from Naruto's point of view.**

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I've been trapped in the tunnel for days, living off mold and dirty water ever since Itachi told me to search for Sasuke in here. In the first hour, Itachi got tired of staying in the tunnel and stayed near the entrance of the tunnel instead. He's been saying he is on guard, waiting in case Sasuke runs out of the tunnel. But, what I really think is that he's only been feeding his weasels or playing with his weasels A.K.A. having a wild dance party with his weasels, like he likes to sometimes.

"Have you found Sasuke yet? I'm getting tired of waiting here..." Itachi yelled down the tunnel.

"No! You just asked me the same question like a minute ago. Hold onto your pants! And I can't even see in here…" Then I thought for a bit. "You know what I have a better idea. Itachi! Come here for a second!" I exclaimed angrily.

"Ye-" Then, I pulled him in the hole/tunnel/badger hole/mole hole that second; it wasn't such a great idea since he fell on me.

"Hey! That wasn't very nice!" Itachi sniffled as he sat me.

"At least you had a cushiony landing…" I wheezed as Itachi sat on me comfortably. "Get… off… you're… going to … kill me … with your… fatness…"

"So… I see you found the secret entrance of the ANBU."

"Naruto was that you?" Itachi whispered in fear.

"No..." I barely answered, still breathless.

The person, whom the voice came from, came closer and stepped in the sunlight coming from the entrance of the tunnel. It was a man; he had chicken-butt like hair. He had on a white animal mask with stripes of red on the sides. He also had on a dark black cloak on. He took off his mask to reveal the man they had seen earlier, the man with sunglasses.

"I hear you need to find Sasuke… Sorry I didn't come sooner, there was this badger… And it punched me… Well, long story… I think I can help you. Follow me." The man said as he disappeared into the darkness. Itachi jumped up, but as he looked back he saw me motionless on the floor. It kind of reminded him of his weasel he jumped on a while ago...

"Poor Jim." Itachi thought sadly as he carried me.

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I woke up startled and I saw a bright light. I thought I died. Then I saw a really scary monster, it was Itachi. "I see you're awake." Itachi said as he looked through the gadgets laid out on the tables. "You're not dead if that's what you're thinking." I looked around, and found myself in a dark room with giant computer screens, gadgets, and ANBU signs. I spotted the man who looked like Sasuke. The man turned away from the computer he was looking at. "I don't have any idea where he might have gone. Do you have anything with his DNA on it so we can track him?" He questioned.

Itachi gave him Sasuke's dairy and the man scanned it for DNA. On the computer screen Sasuke's kidnapper showed up. Everyone in the ANBU turned their heads, as they saw the kidnapper's face. It was someone Naruto and Itachi never would have expected...

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**Tune in next time to see who the kidnapper is! :O**

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	7. Tangy Beans

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. (:**

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"It was Orochimaru? How could he! That fiend! He was our neighbor! I even gave him a weasel!" Itachi exploded.

"Come on Itachi! Let's beat him up until he can't even move anymore!" Naruto passionately said.

"Wait!" The man that looked a lot like Sasuke screamed. "I think you're forgetting something! You don't know where he even is!" Naruto and Itachi stopped dead in their tracks. The man handed them a tracker, he stated, "We always keep trackers. Just in case…" He smiled and then walked away. Itachi and Naruto then wondered if they had trackers and if they did, where were their trackers?

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They quickly gave their farewells to those at the ANBU, and raced towards the "weasel mobile". Following the tracker, they were led to a place they didn't expect Orochimaru would be. It was **The Abandoned Cheesy Costume Warehouse**! As they sat on the "weasel mobile" thinking of a plan, they were suddenly ambushed by snakes and were knocked out.

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When Naruto and Itachi woke up in darkness, they found themselves stuck in their back-to-back chairs by **Stay in Your Seat for 3 Days Glue**. Their hands were tied firmly behind them, and the legs of their chairs were bolted to the floor. A light then appeared in front of the duo. They both squinted, and started screaming things like, "Where's Sasuke?" "Who are you? And what do you want?" and also, "Why do you smell so much?"

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As their eyes adjusted to the light they saw, two people in a cheesy snake costume. One was the fork, while one was the actual snake. One was Kabuto, while one was Orochimaru. As soon as Itachi and Naruto saw the "snake" they broke out in laughter.

"Stop laughing!" Orochimaru screamed. "Call me… Dr. Slither!" But still the laughter did not cease. By now "Dr. Slither's" pale face was turning bright red. "Why are you laughing? You all have cheesy costumes, too! I just copied you! Kabuto hurry, poke them to make them quiet!" Kabuto then hurried and poked them.

"What are you talking about, old man?" Naruto managed to say between laughing and cramps. "Our costumes are cool, hip and awesome. Yours is weird and creepy. Seriously a fork? Why a fork? Why aren't you a spoon while you're at it? And where's your spork children and your neighbors salt and pepper shakers. I-"

"Hey! We didn't have enough money in the budget! So we could only afford a fork. Why does no one get it? Fork is forked tongue! Forked tongue is a snake. Duh, It's basic snakeology" Dr. Slither complained. "Anyway, I suggest you be quiet, if you want to see Sasuke again." It then became so quiet you could hear a cricket fart. "You're not in a position to be laughing." He smiled.

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**Thanks for reading everyone. The story's almost over. ;) I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing. (: What will happen next? Where is Sasuke? :O Figure next time. (:**

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